if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
