We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
