there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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