the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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