I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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