guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
