How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
