Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
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