Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
