watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize