I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
