Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
