I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
