there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
