thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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