Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
