Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
and you fell through a lawn chair
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
