No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
