there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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