STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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