cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
