before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
