Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
