nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize