I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
