i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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