Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
