Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
