We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
