I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
