I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
