That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
