my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
