I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
