well I can't set my house on fire every night
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
