I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize