You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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