I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
It all started with a game of naked twister.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
