I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize