I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I smell like Dick and happiness
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
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