It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Randomize
