its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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