Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
