just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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