I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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