Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
