Say something about gay babies.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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