Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Every concussion has its silver lining
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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