24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I believe in your delicious
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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