if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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