you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize