We need to rekindle our bromance
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Can vaginas get frostbite?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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