His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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