Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
