last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
