my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
