Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
