i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
