Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
