You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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