They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
