grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
third nipple confirmed
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Randomize
