Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
