Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
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