he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
