I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
