If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
this beer tastes like vomit already
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
