idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
