my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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