Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
Randomize
