everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
