PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
