FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
