so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Randomize
