Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
