So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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