Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
