youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
