Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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