I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
