Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
