so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
