who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Vodka?
Forever.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
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