i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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