There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
