Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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