Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
