Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
