is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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