That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Randomize