return my video game
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
