You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
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