My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize