Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
