Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
