no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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