you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
my liver is dry heaving
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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