They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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