dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
