yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
