didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
